My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
A+ Viking dick
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
