I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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