Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
