and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
