So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Randomize