The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
