hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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