dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
