My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
How's work?
Spinning.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
