i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Welp...herpes.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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