i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
