Well apparently he's into motor boating.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
