u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
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