Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
