Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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