need another drink. this is the easiest way
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
