would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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