Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
