but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
