Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
