I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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