He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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