The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
This toilet bowl is my home.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
