"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
