If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
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