Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
