I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
