What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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