Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
