I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
