His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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