He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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