Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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