I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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