dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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