I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
