is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
