i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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