my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
