im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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