so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Randomize
