She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
