I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
