so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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