Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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