i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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