Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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