Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Randomize
