Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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