At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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