Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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