my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I faked an abortion last night.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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