So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
