I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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