yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
